


Strong Enough To Break

by xoelectric



Category: Gwen Stefani - Fandom, Gwen Stefani/Blake Shelton - Fandom, Shefani, The Voice (US) RPF, The Voice - Fandom, blake shelton - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-16 14:24:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8105839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xoelectric/pseuds/xoelectric
Summary: From the beginning of Blake and Gwen's relationship.





	1. Chapter 1

(Gwen POV)

 

Creak, creak, creak...

Every. Damn. Morning. Every damn morning, Gwen woke up to the same annoying jolt of the ceiling fan in her room. She couldn't remember a time that it ever worked properly, but it was without a doubt the worst sound she heard those days. It was the sound that informed her of the worst news - the fact that the day was starting. The fact that she had to muster every ounce of willpower to just get herself out of bed and into the land of the living.

She recently felt sour over the fact that she had so many obligations. There were some days that she gave up and decided not to live, but most of them she had to force it, and it was exhausting. When she first found out about her ex-husband cheating on her, she lost all sense of reality. How could someone commit themselves to another for so long and mess it up like that was beyond her. He destroyed her family, he destroyed her, and sometimes it felt like there was nothing left for her to do. No purpose to try and do anything anymore.

She hadn't noticed the ceiling fan creak until he was gone. Until she had to start waking up in a room by herself, shattered from what had happened.

Most days she just felt numb. Like there was someone living in her body, going through the motions and ultimately dreaming of the time when she could come back to her empty house and hide from the world. Today was shaping up to be one of those days, but she knew she had to get herself out of bed. She had to make it to set as they were taping various segments on The Voice today, which was honestly the last thing she cared about but she had to do it. She rolled her eyes as she glanced up to the fan above her and lazily flicked her duvet cover to the side and sat up on the bed. She felt a sudden rush of blood to the head as she reached up to massage her forehead, likely still feeling the effects of the Xanax she had to take the night before.

This was going to be a long day, for sure.

Gwen wasn't in a rush to get ready, but she kept her routine simple. She brushed back her blonde hair into a sleek ponytail, cleansed and moisturized her face, and slipped on a casual black tank dress. Oversized sunglasses and low tops were the accessories of choice, and she was thankful she was just headed to a hair and make up trailer for the rest. If she had to actually make that effort today, it wouldn't have happened. Soon she was out the door and headed towards the studio.

It didn't take long for her to get there - she was blessed with a short commute from her home. Gwen kept herself reserved and covered by sunglasses as she walked through the lot and towards her trailer. The truth is, all of it was a blur. There were people passing her on the lot that would say hi to her, or wave to her from a distance but it was hard to respond. She knew she had to hold it together and she had to be as professional as possible and she would nod in response and try and force somewhat of a smile, but it was obvious she was distracted. She was thankful when she made it to hair and makeup, a place where she could hide out a bit longer.

 

(Blake POV)

 

Truth takes time, but it always surfaces.

This was the one thing he knew to be true lately, and it was becoming a daily mantra he repeated silently to himself. Eventually, the truth would come out about his impending split and divorce from Miranda, and that was just the way it was going to be. These things don't stay buried for long.

He was the third of the four judges to arrive in the judges lounge which sat adjacent from the main stage where recording took place. Adam was taking full advantage of the catering (perhaps a little too much, he made a mental note to remember to make a joke about his gut looking bigger later on) and Pharrell was off to the side on his laptop and also preoccupied with someone on the phone. The two waved to greet one another as Blake took a seat on one of the couches.

His eyes flashed over to the clock on the wall which told him they had about 5 minutes before they would be called to the stage. Blake suddenly felt a pang of nerves as he was planning to tell his coworkers about the news right before they had to go out, but it soon subsided. He looked over to Pharrell who was now off the phone, and Adam who settled in a chair nearby. Where the heck was Gwen, anyways?

Almost as if it was on cue, Gwen quietly entered the lounge and didn't even bother to take a seat. He caught a glimpse of her from the corner of his eye - almost as if something was off. She looked beautiful as always, but there was something about the past few months that had changed her disposition. Before he could think any further on it, one of the runners came into the lounge and addressed them all.

"Ok guys, two minutes until stage. You ready?" he asked.

"Actually no, go ahead and we'll be right behind you," Blake replied before thinking about it. He walked up to the door and closed it, leaving the runner outside, as he turned to face the other three in the room. He was met with three incredibly confused looks as he looked between Adam, to Pharrell, and then ultimately to Gwen. He looked down.

"I need to say something before we go out there today," he began. Too late to back out now. "By the time this episode airs, the news will have broken that Miranda and I are getting a divorce." The heavy impact of the "d" word hung in the air as everyone began absorbing what he was saying. "I felt that I wanted to tell you all personally before the media gets ahold of it, as it's not going to be pretty. And, just so you all hear these words from me - it's because of infidelity on her part." The last part still visibly stung to say, but all of this would get out eventually and he felt better being the one they hear it from. "You guys are great to work with and I felt I owed it to you to be honest."

 

(Gwen POV)

 

She made it. She was successful.

Hair and makeup was always a blur because it took forever, but at the end of the session the amazing people in that trailer made her look alive again. Inside she felt numb, maybe a little dead, but the right concealer and highlighter truly did wonders to hiding secrets.

Despite her appearance of being 'alive' once again, that didn't mean she wanted to get into a situation where she had to socialize. She knew the others would be in the lounge waiting before they had to go out, and Gwen just wasn't able to deal with that today. She didn't have the strength to lie and smile. She didn't want to be around people longer than she had to be. It was becoming normal for her - this disappearing act of sorts - but she didn't care. She was just trying to get through the day.

She held out as long as possible before heading to the lounge. She slipped inside quietly, certain that someone would be by any moment. Apparently, she shouldn't have even come this early as she watched Blake gently close the door on the person that came to get them saying he had some kind of announcement. It must have been something big, but it didn't hit her exactly what he was saying until that word came out...

Divorce.

Gwen could have run away instantly. She felt her muscles tense at the word and she felt sick to her stomach. When she heard it she instantly thought he was talking about her and somehow they had found out, but how? He was looking right at her as he continued on and - wait, Miranda? Did he say Miranda? Her eyes widened as she realized he was talking about his own divorce, and not all of the issues she was going through. The room was silent for a moment but soon, Pharrell and Adam piped up and offered encouraging words and a "Sorry to hear that, man" to top it off. Gwen remained silent as she watched Blake thank them, and it was unavoidable that Blake's eyes fell upon her next.

She was exposed and they didn't even know it. She avoided eye contact and looked off to the side. "Sorry" she said lightly, almost hoarsely, before her hand darted for the doorknob and she pushed it open and let herself out of the room, fleeing for safety before she lost it again.


	2. Chapter 2

(Gwen POV)

She made it to her chair. That much, she was sure of. Gwen was only sure that actually happened, though, because she was cognizant enough to know that was where she was currently sitting. The lights and sounds and production of The Voice were chiming off around her when she was put on the spot or it was her turn to contribute, she did so professionally. She wasn't the normal, joyful Gwen that people were used to seeing, but rather she was holding herself up a bit more and keeping her composure. She was being professional and to the point, and letting the guys take over the direction without her. It didn't really matter to her.

Between a few takes, Pharrell looked over at Gwen and caught her eye. It was probably the first time she had made real eye contact with anyone that day. "You cool, Stefani?" he asked gently, trying to keep it a conversation just between the two of them. Unfortunately for her, his inquiry seemed to catch the ear of the cowboy on his other side which caused him to glance over towards Gwen. Instantly, she felt sick when he looked at her. She had no idea if he was annoyed at her sudden departure when he made the announcement or if he even realized it or thought about it, but she was starting to feel guilty about how she had handled it. God, could she not have maintained her composure for two more damn seconds in that room and not look like a total idiot making such a quick exit?

"Headache," Gwen said flatly. Lie number one. She massaged her forehead for added effect. "I'm fine." Lie number two.

"I'd have a headache too if I was any closer to that loser sitting on the opposite end," Adam chimed in from behind. Blake's attention shifted to Adam as he rolled his eyes dramatically, responding, "You really need new and better material, Adam. Is that the best you've got today?"

Gwen's shoulders seemed to relax ever so slightly as she felt the attention shift away from her 'headache' and back to the two of them quipping at one another. 

It wasn't soon before long that they called it a day on the set and they were free to leave. Pharrell hopped up immediately and walked off as he was dialing a number on his phone and Adam soon trailed a few steps behind him to head back towards the trailers. Gwen looked down at her lap for a moment hoping the others would get a head start away from her as she wasn't in the mood to fake it on the walk back.

She felt someone approaching her. Gwen looked up and was soon face to face with Blake, who for some reason walked over to her chair instead of back to his trailer. She wanted to say something, apologize maybe? But she didn't quite have the words. Lucky for her, he had come with an agenda. "I get really bad migraines sometimes," he started, reaching in his pocket for a small container. In one motion, he opens it and picks a small, white pill from the box and places it in her hand. 

Gwen gave him a brief incredulous look as she glanced down at what he had given her. "It's a totally legal, over the counter drug, I promise," he said with a small smile. "And it'll work fast." Truth was even though she didn't have that much of a headache, it probably wouldn't hurt. She still felt foggy from the night before and pain relief wasn't something she was in a position to turn down. "Thank you," she said sincerely before popping the pill in her mouth and swallowing it down with water. 

"I'm --- " she stopped herself mid-sentance, before choosing an alternative route. "How are you doing?" she asked, cradling the water bottle between her hands as she looked up at him again.

"Honestly?" Blake responded, scratching the back of his neck in nervous habit. "None of it feels real to me. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to finally tell you guys about it and it's something I've been going through, but you know once the media gets ahold of these things you have to constantly relive it for a while..." Duh, of course she knew. She's been to this rodeo before with her other ex. "It's a hard thing. You work so hard to merge your life with someone else and separating it is even harder. It has to be done though. It's just how it is."

Gwen was taking the words in, they were processing, but she still couldn't believe that she was hearing her life narrated back at her in that moment. What's so ironic was that Blake had no idea what he was actually saying to her. He had no idea what she knew on the subject. He had no idea she was screaming at herself in her head everything that she wanted to say, but didn't want to say - God, she had no idea what she wanted to do.

"I really am sorry you are going through this," she managed, shifting a bit in her seat and glancing up at him to make eye contact with him. 

"Do you want to get out of here?" he asked next, much to Gwen's surprise. 

"Yes," she responded, which came as even more of a surprise to her.

\----------------------------

The sudden shock of the sun hitting her pale skin was almost startling as they stepped outside. She forgot sometimes how hot LA could get despite most of the time having great weather. Gwen pushed her sunglasses up on her nose and glanced over to Blake as the two of them made their way through the lot. She wasn't sure where they were going, but she honestly didn't have anything else going on. There was an empty house she could go back to, which would probably just end up in another anxiety pill kind of night. There was something intriguing about the spontaneity of leaving the set with this guy she barely knew.

"Let me get out of this really quick," she said, remembering she was still dressed up for her TV appearance. Wherever they were going, four inch heels and a sequined dress probably would only serve to draw more attention to them, and the last thing she wanted was attention in public. He nodded as she ducked into her trailer, quickly unzipping and ditching her wardrobe in favor of the black tank dress and chucks she arrived to set in. Her hair was already pulled back into a sleek ponytail and she left it alone. She grabbed her handbag and made her way back out, not skipping a beat as she continued on along down the lot.

Blake and Gwen got to the cowboy's truck and she climbed in without much thought. He turned the key in the ignition and she pulled her legs up underneath her. "You really are a real cowboy," she quipped with a small smile, looking around in the truck. "Where are we going, anyways?" she asked, looking over towards him through tinted shades.

"You'll see," he responded with a smile. "And I might be in LA, but you can't take the country out of me."

Within twenty minutes, the truck pulled into a parking lot just off the beach. Gwen didn't even remember the last time she had come down here. She noticed that they weren't in the touristy part of the beach strip which she appreciated. It was strangely not crowded at all, and the sun was setting so there was an added bonus of maybe not even being recognized. They began walking down one of the paths nearby.

"It just happened so fast," Blake began, recounting the details about his recent split and drama with Miranda. "One day, everything is fine. Maybe a petty fight here and there, but it's all about forever. And then the truth comes out and your life changes forever. Years of my life almost just seem like a waste in a way. Like, what was I doing this entire time?"

Gwen nodded along with him telling his story as she crossed her arms and kept her attention towards the waves crashing on the shore. It was everything she was feeling and so much more, but could she even trust this man with her huge secret? She was so scared it was going to ruin her, or her career would be yanked off of the show, or something horrible was going to happen if anyone else found out besides her parents and the people involved. It was suffocating her.

"I don't even know what else to say about it," Blake mused. "It's just...." he trailed off.

"You feel like your'e trapped," Gwen responded suddenly as she continued walking, not daring to turn her gaze up towards him. "You think back to all the times that you thought something was wrong but swept it under the rug. You start thinking what you did wrong and why its your own fault. You start regretting huge parts of your life."

It was a little too familiar. Blake stopped walking and turned to Gwen with an inquisitive look on his face.

"What?" she asked, looking over to him.

"I think that's the most I've heard you talk in months," he commented. "I mean, I know we don't talk a lot but I have to say, you have been somewhere else completely since I can remember. And what you just said now..." he shook his head. "You just seem so exhausted lately. And not the kind of exhausted that comes from your kids. The kind where you're drained and not present even when you're in the room. There's no life in you like there used to be, at least not lately."

Gwen was in shock. She felt her arms tighten and cross a little harder, probably in a defensive measure. "Wow," she said, trying to find the words. "I thought this little outing was supposed to be about you and your problems. Why are you suddenly turning the tables and saying these things about me? I'm just trying to get through my life right now. None of this matters." Truth was, she was getting angry because she felt herself slowly beginning to unravel a truth that she spent months devoting all of her resources to hiding.

Blake looked a bit taken aback, almost hurt. It was then that she realized what she had said, and her previously cold disposition began visibly, and quickly, softening.

"God, I'm going crazy. You probably think I'm a crazy person," she said, as she nervously looked down and ran her fingers through her hair. She had been numb for so long she forgot what it felt like to be on the verge of tears. This was why she preferred to ignore things rather than think about them best she could. "I'm exhausted and I have been fighting to get out of bed for months. I..I..." she swallowed as she tried to keep herself together best she could. "I don't have a husband anymore and I'm losing my mind."


	3. Chapter 3

"I didn't say that."

The words came immediately after she had just let slip the biggest secret she had ever held back in her life. It was almost as if it was physically hanging in the universe, on display for anyone to see, and she couldn't contain it back how she had it before. She felt a little lightheaded, a bit sick. Saying those words out loud had such an odd effect on her, something she wasn't expecting.

"Gwen, I..." Blake began in response. He stepped closer to her, removing the distance between them. Suddenly the past few months suddenly made sense in light of what she was going through, and weirdly enough it was so similar to what he had been going through at home. It was a weird, instant connection that seemed to just appear. Blake reached out and placed both hands on the tiny blonde's shoulders, turning her attention up towards him.

Gwen forced herself to make eye contact with him, if only because she was searching. She was searching for hope that she didn't just fuck herself over by telling this to someone she barely knew that well. She was met with this warm and understanding man in front of her instead. It was weirdly the first time in a long time she felt cared about.

"You can't tell anyone," she said adamantly, as a single tear broke free and streamed down her cheek. Blake didn't hesitate to reach out to wick it away before reaching his other hand behind Gwen's back in one motion and pulling her up against his chest into a hug.

There was something about the sudden care she was being shown that caused her to choke up even more as she felt his arms close in around her small frame. She rested her cheek against his chest as she felt a few more tears come. She wasn't full on crying, she was really trying to avoid that because the last thing she wanted to do was give this man an absolute mess to have to deal with. 

"I swear I won't," Blake said in response, just continuing to hold her against him.

"I haven't told anyone. Only my parents know. It's going to destroy me when it comes out into the open. People don't survive things like this when it's public and everything is just going to end." She found that she tended to ramble or over justify herself when she felt embarrassed. "I'm so sorry. This started out about you and I stupidly had to bring this up. I don't know why I did that." She felt bad now and pulled herself off of his chest to stand up straight in front of him, but didn't widen the distance between them.

"Don't ever apologize for telling me something like that," he said in response. "You have to admit, it's kind of crazy though, it sounds like we've been going through the same thing for the past few months and we've been sitting only two chairs away from one another the whole time. I've largely come to terms with mine, I'm ready to move on. And that's where you have it so wrong is that this is not going to destroy you, you won't let it. You have three great kids that you are going to fight like hell to get to the other side with and it will all work out the way it is supposed to. Fuck all of this Hollywood bullshit, you're not going down like this."

"All of this is crazy," Gwen nodded in response. A stray tear came again and she quickly wicked it away before looking up at him again. "This was so not what you had in mind tonight, was it?" she asked, biting her lip slightly.

"No. But I couldn't think of anything better," he said. "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me."

The rest of the night was somewhat of a blur, but it seemed to give her a bit of life again. Gwen tried steering clear of too many details but they exchanged such similar stories and even got off the subject many times. It felt like she was hanging out with an old friend. There was a level of comfort she felt with this man, something that she hadn't felt before. It was the first time in months that she felt she had someone in her corner and a huge weight had been lifted just over the fact that someone else knew. When the wrong people knew, it was a different story. But for now, it was just her, her parents, and this cowboy that randomly came into her life.


	4. Chapter 4

Gwen stood in between the two oversized, heavy doors to her home as her eyes fixated on the black Escalade sitting in her driveway through her oversized sunglasses. There were boxes taped up and sitting off to the side as she watched two men, who she knew to be friends of Gavin, loading the possessions into the car. She knew this day was coming all week, but there was something so surreal about it now that it was here. It was the last and final haul away of whatever Gavin still had left in their formerly shared home. 

She made it her mission to appear totally together that day. She wouldn't be upset. She wouldn't cry in front of these people. She got herself up that morning, showered, and straightened her blonde hair. She applied her traditional make-up, red lips and all, and pulled on a casual, short, and flowy navy summer dress that hit mid-thigh. She didn't think Gavin was coming with them, thank God, but she definitely was going to look her best when they inevitably reported back to him about the encounter. If she was a mess, that would just be the most embarrassing thing ever. This was business. And she was getting rid of things she never wanted to see again, ever, so this was a good thing.

Right?

Gwen kept her composure as she watched the final box being loaded into the car. One of the men walked immediately to the driver's seat to start the car as the second looked back over his shoulder at Gwen, deciding to walk over to her. 

"Looks like that's the last of it," he said. "We'll be headed out now, thanks."

She nodded in response, and watched the Escalade drive out of view with the estate gates closing behind it. She felt her stomach turn as the reality hit her that she was alone, and she had gotten through that. Gwen turned and walked inside, shutting and locking the doors to her home behind her. She stood in the foyer for a moment, with so many emotions hitting her at once that she seemed to just retreat back to that numb feeling she had felt all the time. Well, not all the time, there had been one thing that had really helped...and that was Blake.

Gwen hadn't seen him in almost a month, ever since they were on that beach and she embarrassed herself and told him everything. The two had been e-mailing daily ever since, and it was the only thing she looked forward to was seeing that she had a new e-mail from him. They talked about their divorces, their lives, their different experiences, and it was a source of support. Such an unexpected source of support that she was so grateful for in the midst of all of this torture.

She sat down on her couch in the deadly silent home. Her kids were spending another stint of time with her parents, who were really helping her out in the midst of her trying to get herself and her life back together. Being a single parent that could break down at any moment of the day wasn't going to help anyone. She missed them. She missed her family. And the alternative, this horribly quiet and deserted home was just mind-numbing. Before any of this happened, she had never been left alone for this long by herself in her entire life.

These thoughts ran through her head as she just sat there, motionless. She was unaware of time passing, if she had tears in her eyes, or what she was going to do next if anything. Gwen must have been there for at least three hours in this state and practically jumped out of her skin when her doorbell suddenly rang.

She looked over towards the door and bolted up from her spot on the couch and to a mirror. She wiped her fingers under her eyes and straightened her clothes out and back to that put-together facade she managed earlier. Was it Gavin? Were his friends here because they forgot something? She took a deep, shaky breath and prepared for the worst as her heels clicked against the hardwood as she made her way towards the door and opened it.

"Blake?" she asked, definitely not expecting the cowboy on her doorstep. "What are you...?"

"You can tell me to leave if you want to," he started gently, his arms tucked out of view behind his back. "But, I took a chance, and I didn't want you to be by yourself tonight if you didn't want to be."

"Tonight? What's happening -" she replied, but then stopped herself. "Wait. You remembered what today was?"

"You mentioned it in one of your e-mails last week that Gavin's friends were coming by to get the last of it, and well, it was a really horrible night when that happened to me," he replied. "I don't come alone though, I brought a few friends with me," he said with a grin as he produced one bottle of tequila from out behind his back and offered it to Gwen. Gwen was just looking at him in shock, but she soon smiled and laughed a little bit as she took it from his hand. "And just in case you can have superpowers and can drink me under the table..." he added, smiled again, and revealed a second bottle in his other hand from behind his back.

Gwen laughed again and shook her head. "I don't even know what to say right now. I'm just in shock," she mused, smiling again. "Thank you. It's so good to see you. Come on," she said, as she slid her arm between his to pull him inside the house with her.

Suddenly, it was as if another weight was lifted. She was hardly thinking about Gavin. She was just in awe of this new friend of hers that just seemed to show up at the best times.

 

\-------------------------

(Gwen POV)

It was kind of weird, having Blake in her home for the first time.

Of course he knew where she lived as he had dropped her off after their last meeting, and what a crazy unexpected night that had become for her. Something in her gut told her that it would soon become the norm if she continued to spend time with him. She didn't mind the thought one bit.

Gwen had left him in the living room to retrieve shot glasses from her kitchen, which hadn't been touched in years, so she gave them a quick rinse before walking back into the living room with them. He was sitting on the couch and looked up to her with a smile when she approached and took a seat on the same couch, leaving about a foot or so of distance between the two of them. Blake picked the first bottle of tequila off the coffee table and unscrewed the cap, pouring the first round for the both of them. 

 

(Blake POV)

Blake watched Gwen reach forward the moment he was done pouring and saw her take the shot back quickly without hesitation. He chuckled a bit as she put the shot glass back down, ready to have another one. "Thirsty, I see," he teased, before adding, "Thank God I brought two bottles if this is the pace we're setting." He poured her another one. She took it back at the same speed as the first.

"You're a really good friend, Blake. And I don't think there are enough words to tell you how much I appreciate it. My only hope is that I'm not too far into my drama to not be of any help to you."

Blake took his first shot and felt the familiar burn as it went down his throat. "You've helped me so much, are you kidding?" Blake said in response. He was shocked that she said such a thing. "I know we haven't known each other long, but I feel like I can talk to you about anything. You understand what's happening, and I don't have that level of understanding anywhere else in my life right now. I'd always look forward to your e-mails. So, thank you."

Blake continued to pour the shots as they took them back, being careful to pace himself somewhat as he had a feeling Gwen was going to take full advantage of the alcohol tonight. After what she had been through that day, he definitely couldn't blame her. When it had happened to him, well, he didn't remember that night at all. 

The conversation started sentimental, but soon with the addition of the tequila it became more lighthearted, and turned to other subjects. They had started on the couch, but now for some reason they were both sitting on the floor in front of the couch and leaning up against it, only a few inches away from one another as they continued to talk and drink. They were talking about their families now, Gwen rambling on about some story from last Christmas when her brother set the kitchen on fire. She was laughing hysterically trying to recount all of the details as other family members came to try and help but only made it worse. He watched as Gwen pushed her blonde locks over her shoulder and a brief look of sadness flashed across her face before disappearing as quickly as it had appeared. 

She looked up to Blake and smiled, putting her shot glass back on the coffee table to prompt him. "Hit me again, cowboy," she demanded, and he obliged. She took the shot back quick and all seemed to be fine again.

It was then that he realized for the first time how damn beautiful the woman in front of him was. Of course, he knew that she was pretty ever since he had met her, but seeing her like this, guard down and so intimately talking to him in the wake of this huge tragedy - he was just in awe.

 

(Gwen POV)

"Uggggh. This is going to hurt in the morning, isn't it?" Gwen looked over to the first empty bottle and the second one that they were currently working on. The alcohol did its job in that she was oblivious to the pain and feeling so happy to have a friend like Blake there with her, but she knew these kinds of decisions had next day consequences.

"Yes, yes it will hurt in the morning. I'm not going to lie about that." Blake said in reply, sipping the shot he had instead of throwing it back. "But it's Saturday, so that means we don't have to do anything tomorrow except recover, right? And...I'm glad that it happened."

Gwen smiled again at him and she put her empty shot glass down on the table. She giggled a bit at what seemed like nothing, it was probably just the alcohol. Her eyes widened when a thought came to her. "I have a brilliant idea!" she said suddenly. "I'm so proud of myself, I always forget this part when I drink because well, I forget everything!" Blake have her a confused look as he watched her place one hand on the couch behind them and one on the coffee table on the other side. "Advil. And some water. Before we fall asleep tonight. It helps so much." 

Blake nodded as Gwen used her strength to push herself into an attempted half-standing position, intent on retrieving those items, but instead felt a little dizzy and ended up falling forward into Blake and landing in his lap. "Whoooooa, oh my god," she said as she put her hand over her mouth and her eyes widened. Gwen giggled. "I'm so sorry are you okay?" she asked, draping her other hand to rest on his shoulder to keep her balance.

 

(Blake POV)

Gwen suggested retrieving Advil and water, but while it was a great suggestion, he wasn't so sure she should have been the one to go and get the items. She had basically kept pace drinking with him the entire night, and there was a huge difference in alcohol tolerance between the small blonde and the tall, muscular cowboy. Blake was feeling the effects of the tequila, so he couldn't imagine how much Gwen was feeling it. She seemed so happy and to be having such a good time though, and that was the important part.

As predicted, she tried to stand up and ended up falling forward a bit and into his lap. "Easy, now," he said gently to her, as his hands went to the small of her back to hold her steady. He laughed a little at her - god, she was so adorable like this. She apologized, and he shook his head and just looked into her eyes for a moment. Before he realized what was happening, Gwen was leaning forward, her hand rested lightly on his neck, and she kissed him.

On some level, Blake was desperate for it and he didn't even know it until it happened. His hands tightened grip around her back and he pulled her closer to him as they continued to kiss. 

Both of her hands were now holding onto the back of his neck, and she felt comforted as his arms wrapped tighter around her. She felt protected. The kiss was light, slow...electric. 

Blake realized what was happening and though he was enjoying every moment, he pulled back slightly and placed a hand on the side of Gwen's head, while keeping the other arm firmly around her waist. "Gwen, I don't want you to regret this," he said gently. He looked into her eyes, and she gave a small, disappointed but understanding smile in return. 

"I understand," she finally said, with a sigh. "You're not going to leave now...are you?"

"No, not at all," he said in response. "I just think I need to wait to make out with you until we're sober."

Gwen laughed, as did he, and she felt a wave of relief, thankful that he wasn't weirded out by what she had just done. She relaxed again and leaned her head in against his chest, too tired and drunk to move off of him at that point. 

A few moments later, Blake shifted slightly and looked down to the blonde in his arms. "Gwen?" he asked quietly, but with no response. She had passed out in his arms. 

Careful not to wake her, he gently managed to stand up with her still in his arms without waking her. Though, to be fair, the girl had so much alcohol in her that waking her might have required an act of God at that point. He started up the stairs to the master bedroom and carefully laid her on the bed, pulling the covers over her to tuck her in. God, even drunk and passed out, she was gorgeous and he was in awe. He spotted the bathroom off to the side and walked in, grabbing a cup and filling it with water. He opened the medicine cabinet and found a bottle of Advil, and he placed both by the bed for her for when she would wake up in the morning.

"Goodnight, sweetheart," he whispered as he took one last look at her before heading downstairs to crash on the couch.


	5. Chapter 5

She was dead to the world. If an alarm had gone off, she might not have even woken up from it. It was the best sleep she had gotten in months, despite that it was drenched in alcohol. It wasn't until almost noon the next day that she began stirring. One eye opened and she groaned a bit before pulling the covers over her face, angry at herself that her blinds were wide open and letting the midday light into her room. She only moved again and pushed the covers off her face as she heard the light noise of them closing shut.

"Blake?"

"It's just me," he responded, quietly. He finished shutting the blinds which greatly improved the too much light in the room situation and moved over to sit next to her on the bed. "Are you alright? I was getting worried, you haven't moved for hours."

"You stayed?"

Obviously, Gwen was a little lagging on the mental front. She rolled onto her side and put one hand over her face as she focused on her vision. Once that came, she pulled the covers to her chin and looked up to him again. 

"Of course," he said. "I was the one that enabled you, after all." He grinned a bit as he reached to her nightstand where he had placed the water and Advil. He took four for himself and dry swallowed them, before producing another four in his hand for Gwen. "It's never too late for this," he said, holding out his hand for her to take them.

It was such an odd feeling, being cared for like this. She gave a small, appreciative smile as she leaned forward to take them, washing them down with the glass of water nearby. When it was down, she immediately plopped herself back on her pillow. She massaged her forehead. The hangover wasn't as horrible as she thought it might be, she must have slept some of it off, but it wasn't pleasant. "I didn't scare you off." It was a statement, not a question, and she was honestly a little shocked. She shrugged. "I scare everyone off."

Blake's facial expression turned into one of sadness at her last words. This was absolutely not the worst hungover person he had ever dealt with - he could handle a lot, especially for a friend that he deeply cared about. She groaned at her headache. He took her hand in his and squeezed it lightly. "Gwen, what do you remember about last night?"

"I remember that you wanted to make out with me when we were sober," she replied without hesitating, which caused both of them to laugh. "Ow," she commented, massaging her forehead again. "No uh yeah, I remember...kissing you...and it's ok if you need to pretend that didn't happen." She felt guilty about it. She had wanted to do it, she still felt the need to do it then, but she had no idea where he was at in his life to be able to get into something. Both of them were fresh off of marriages and what were the chances that....

"I kissed you back, if you don't remember," he interrupted her thoughts. Truth was, she was only partially remembering her own actions and she couldn't fully recall those of others. He didn't push her off or anything, and from what she remembered it seemed to last a long time, but she wasn't totally sure if it was a mutual thing. 

"I...really?" was all she could manage, as she opened both eyes again and looked over to him, still kind of sleepy. She scrunched her face a bit as she reached over for the glass of water on the nightstand, taking a long drink from it. She realized he was still holding one of her hands and she intertwined her fingers with his, squeezing lightly. "Blake?"

"Yeah?"

"I just want to lay here for a while with my eyes closed. Would you...?" she hesitated on the next part. "I mean, if you don't have anywhere to be, it would be nice if you could....stay."

He smiled and took the glass from Gwen's hand to set it back on the nightstand. "I would love to," he said. Gwen smiled and moved herself further from the nightstand to make room for him on the bed. She let his hand go so he was able to climb onto the bed with her and under the covers. Once he seemed settled, she felt his arm hook around her waist and pull her towards him. "Is this okay?" he asked. She moaned and nodded in response, but her eyes were closed again and it would probably be a while before she opened them again. She felt relaxed. She felt protected. Blake just had that effect on her, and it was doing her so much good.

\----------------------------------

 

A few hours later, Gwen awoke from sleep once again. Instead of finding herself on her side, she quickly realized that she had rolled over towards Blake and had her head and hand resting on his chest. It must have happened in her sleep. Gwen kind of felt embarrassed about it, but she also felt his hand resting on her back and she wouldn't have traded that for the world in that moment. She lifted her head an inch or so off of the cowboy and looked up, and her eyes immediately met with his. They exchanged tired smiles.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. After all, if he had wanted to get off the bed and leave, she was making that impossible with how she was basically laying on top of him.

"You sure do apologize a lot for nothing," Blake commented. "And I'm not telling you to move anytime soon."

Gwen gave him another tired smile and laid her head back on his chest. She exhaled a deep sigh as she glanced over to the clock on the nightstand. "My God, it's already 3:00..." It wasn't as if she had anything to do that day, but just the fact that she had been in bed for over twelve hours at that point seemed a bit ridiculous. "Are you sure you don't have somewhere to be or things to be doing right now?" she asked suspiciously. 

"Nope, this was my plan all along," he joked, laughing a bit at himself. "Seriously though, this is where I want to be. There's only one thing missing though...I think it would do us a huge favor if we went down to the kitchen right now and I made us something to eat."

Gwen hadn't even thought about food. Her mind flashed to her kitchen. "I wish you the best of luck in that endeavor," she commented, and added, "My kitchen is pathetically bare."

"Hmm. Well, I'm pretty good at finding something. Come on, lets go try," he said. Gwen nodded and sat up on the bed, and Blake followed suit. She looked down at what he was wearing and couldn't believe he was still in jeans after all this time. She was still in the same short navy dress she was wearing the night before, but at least it was comfortable. 

"Hey, wait..." she said, as she gently stood up and stretched. She dipped out of her room and next door for a moment, before coming back with clothing in her hand. "My brother crashes here sometimes and he leaves clothes in the guest room. I'm sure you want out of those jeans," she said as she handed him a large t-shirt and pair of sweatpants.

Little did she know, Blake wanted out of those jeans he was wearing but in a completely different way.

"Thank you," Blake said with a smile. "I'll meet you downstairs." He left the bedroom and went next door to change into the clothes Gwen brought him, while Gwen pulled one of her own drawers open and slipped out of the dress she was still wearing. She put on a tight black tank top and a pair of baggy capri sweatpants. She went to her mirror and quickly took yesterday's make-up off and put moisturizer on her face. She brushed her hair back and secured it into a ponytail that fell over her left shoulder before heading downstairs. 

Blake was already hard at work going through Gwen's kitchen when she arrived. "You weren't joking," he said as she walked in. He watched her take a seat at the island and did a quick double take back, realizing she had taken her make-up off. God, she was even more beautiful without it. "Uhm, so yeah, what we have on the menu it looks like is mustard from your fridge or freezer burnt vegetables from your freezer," he laughed, closing both behind him. He looked to the right and saw some cabinets, and he began opening them. 

"We could always put both of those on the stale crackers you'll find in those," she laughed. Grocery shopping wasn't her thing. 

"Aha!" Blake exclaimed, pulling a box out of the cabinet and turning to Gwen with a smile. "When's the last time you had the pleasure of eating rocket ship shaped macaroni and cheese?" He grinned.

His sudden enthusiasm made her laugh again and shake her head at him. "Well I do have kids, which is why I own that, but I couldn't tell you the answer."

"It's settled, then!" he exclaimed, as he reached for a pot and other ingredients he would need to make it. He pulled a few seasonings from another cabinet, too, and it really seemed as if he knew what he was doing. Gwen just watched him as he worked his way around her kitchen, and soon he was pouring two bowls of the final product and bringing them towards Gwen.

She smiled and took one of the bowls from him as she hopped up and made her way over to the couch. She took a seat and pulled her legs up to cross them as she cradled the bowl in her hands. Gwen glanced up to Blake who had taken a seat right next to hear. "This smells amazing," she said. "Thank you." And with that, she dug her spoon into the bowl and took a bite of his masterpiece. "Wow." He had definitely added something with the spices he had put in, it didn't quite taste like a kid's meal anymore and it felt like a more grown up version of mac and cheese. "Wooooow."

Blake grinned, feeling accomplished. "I told you I would find us something," he said as he also proceeded to dig in to his own bowl.


	6. Chapter 6

Her life seemed to almost instantly shift, it seemed. For months, she was waking up in the morning and her one and only goal for the day was to just survive. It had been hard - draining, exhausting, all-consuming - but it felt better these days, a little easier. 

It was no coincidence that she felt this way as Blake seemed to be spending a lot more time at her place. Sure, they had really connected over e-mail, but being together felt like electricity sometimes. She felt so much in the room between them without any words being exchanged, and it was unlike anything she had experienced with someone else before. Sometimes he would come over and they would order take out, or just watch a movie, or just stare at each other in silence. Going out provided its own complications and for now, they largely avoided it. They knew the tabloids would have a field day and say all kinds of things about them.

Today, Blake was over again and their chosen activity was lounging together on the outdoor cabana next to the pool. It was such a nice day, and even though they were under the shade, Gwen hadn't seen sun in a while so it was time to get her out of the house. Blake was sitting upright and Gwen was lazily sprawled across him, with her head laying in his lap and looking up at him through her sunglasses. Her fingers intertwined with his as she rested both of their hands against her bare stomach. 

She wasn't as talkative as normal. She seemed to be contemplating something. Blake was curious and wanted to ask, but just remained in silence with her because maybe that was what she needed.

"My boys are coming back from England today," she said quietly, breaking the silence. 

"England?" Blake asked, confused.

"Gavin took them to visit his side of the family."

Gwen was short. She was to the point. And it just confused him more. "Gwen, isn't that great news? You don't shut up talking about your kids - they seem like the world to you?"

She let out a sigh and bit her lip. "They're absolutely my life. I love them so much and it's been killing me on so many levels that I haven't seen them in two weeks. It absolutely ripped me to shreds when I could barely hold myself up and together and my parents had to help me with them. It killed me when I wasn't there a thousand percent like they needed me to be. It actually makes me sick that I was like that." 

Gwen felt the nerves of the day getting to her as she squeezed his hand a bit, unlacing her fingers from his and leaving his hand on her stomach. She put hers on top of his and started tracing tiny circles, something she did to distract herself when she got nervous - focusing on something else while trying to find the words or forget it. "Blake, I'm afraid they hate me. I couldn't be there for them like they needed. I couldn't get out of bed somedays. What kind of mother can't get over herself long enough to take care of her kids?"

"You had every right to take care of yourself," Blake said, shaking his head a bit. He reached down with his other hand and pushed her sunglasses up onto her forehead to force eye contact with her. "You can't lay here and honestly say that you're not a good mother. You got your parents to help you out and you asked for that help when you needed it. You have a ridiculous amount of love in your heart for those kids and they know it. I refuse to believe anything different."

Gwen was listening to him. She was looking right at him. But she couldn't help this stirring feeling in her stomach that there was the possibility her kids might not want to see her. She was in a better place now, yes, but she didn't feel completely 'better' or 'over it'. She still had a lot in her life that she had to figure out. Of course, now she had to figure out where Blake fit into all of it as well, but that was the least of her worries. Blake was one of the best things about her life right now.

"Ugh, I didn't want to get upset over this," Gwen said, feeling her eyes water a bit as she wicked away a stray tear. She sat up off of his lap and pulled her legs up to her chest, looking over her shoulder to the cowboy. 

"You worry way too much, lady," he commented as he rubbed her back a bit. He leaned forward and planted a kiss on the top of her head. "Come on, it'll be okay. I bet they're going to be really excited to ---"

"MOMMYYYYYYY!"

The sudden shriek startled both of them as soon they were not alone anymore. Kingston and Zuma came running into the back yard towards Blake and Gwen. Gwen looked shocked for a moment, not expecting them that early, and even more taken aback by their enthusiasm as they ran over to her. A huge smile came to her face as she quickly wiped under both eyes, took a breath and jumped to stand right next to the cabana as the two boys tackled into her knocking her right back down onto it. She laughed as she wrestled each boy down to plant kisses on their heads. "Hi, babes!" God, she was going to get emotional over this if not over her deepest fear that her kids might not have wanted to see her. It was a lose-lose situation. 

Blake watched Gwen transform instantly after her kids came running in to see her. One moment she was insecure, questioning herself, putting herself down, and now she seemed like the happiest girl in the world. It brought a huge smile to his face. 

A moment later, the new nanny walked through the glass doors with Apollo in her arms. "Hey, Gwen!" she greeted, bouncing Apollo. "Look, it's your momma," the nanny said, pointing over at Gwen. Once Apollo spotted her he grinned and started moving his hands in a grasping motion in the air - his small attempt at trying to wave. The nanny came right up to the cabana and put him in Gwen's arms, and she immediately planted a kiss on his head, too. 

"I'm so excited to see you guys, I didn't think you were coming until this afternoon!" she said, pulling all three boys into one big hug with her. 

"I missed you sooooo much!" Kingston said. "England is rainy and yucky." 

Gwen laughed, but before she could say anything, Zuma chimed in, "But I missed you more than him." He grinned. "You guys are so ---"

"Hey, you're Blake!" Gwen was cut off again by Kingston. She could never seem to get much of a word in around the boys.

Blake laughed a little. "Why, yes, I am!" He gave a funny look over to Gwen, questioning.

"Whaaaaaat? The kids like watching the show," she explained, still with that happy smile on her face. "It's not like you're not easily recognizable, cowboy."

"Hey, did Blake come over to go swimming with us?" Zuma asked.

"Well, Blake and I were just hanging out actually, but I know he is very excited to meet you guys..." Gwen said in response. 

"But he's wearing a bathing suit so he came over to swim with us, right?" Kingston pressed.

"You know, Blake might have other things to do than chase you crazies around the house today...but he is more than welcome to stay. But you have to ask him," Gwen said, looking over to Blake. She mouthed 'sorry' to him, as she knew she had just put him on the spot.

"Well of course I'll stay!" Blake responded almost immediately. "You know, don't tell your mom this, but I only came over because I wanted to meet you guys today, I didn't come here to see her..." he said with a grin. The boys laughed at him, and Kingston jumped up off the cabana. Before Gwen could even tell the boys to go change into their swim trunks, Kingston was running off and jumping into the pool with all of his clothes on, and Zuma not too far behind him.

"Boys!" Gwen called, trying to be strict, but instead just laughing at them. She looked over to Blake. "Are you sure you want to stay? You don't have to..." she asked, shifting Apollo to her other leg. 

"Of course I want to stay. I want to get to know them, if that's ok with you?" he asked.

Gwen smiled. "Of course it is," she said.

"I've got these two out here. You go and get the baby changed and come back." Blake stood up, and made his way over to the pool. He looked back at her briefly, mouthed 'told you so', and turned towards the boys. Kingston and Zuma had both grabbed pool noodles and were sword fighting with one another.

Gwen just shook her head. "Brave man to get in the middle of that," she commented to herself with a laugh. She kissed Apollo on the head again before standing up and going inside to get him changed for the pool. This day was definitely working out to be wildly different than she imagined.


	7. Chapter 7

The afternoon was filled of lighthearted laughter and playfulness. King and Zuma seemed to take to Blake immediately, whether it was including him in the pool noodle fighting or taking turns to make him watch as they did jumps off the side of the pool. While Gwen had definitely been around the 'rough and tumble' type of play that only came with having boys, she was grateful for the break and couldn't help stare at the three of them in wonder. She couldn't help but think how dangerously perfect all of this was and just keep praying to God that this was real.

The three of them didn't seem to be thinking of getting out of the pool anytime soon, and at this point Gwen had brought Apollo out of the pool with her and they were sitting on a chair right next to the pool. Apollo was getting a little fussy, and she glanced over at the time and realized he was probably hungry. She ran her fingers through her baby boy's curls and kissed his head, pulling him into her arms as she stood up. "Hey boys, Pollo is getting hungry so I'm going to take him inside. I should probably start making us all lunch anyways," Gwen said as she bounced the baby a little bit on her hip.

Zuma and Kingston looked disappointed, usually when Gwen went inside that meant they had to get out of the pool. "Awwww do we have to stop now?" Zuma asked. Ugh. Her kids knew how to get what they wanted out of her, and Zuma had definitely perfected his sad face. Gwen glanced over to Blake, who looked like he was ready to jump out of the pool and follow Gwen just about anywhere, but he also saw that she seemed to want to keep the kids happy.

"Hey!" Blake piped up, gently tapping the back of Zuma's head with a pool noodle. "Nobody said we have to go inside yet. I'll stay out here with you guys?" he looked back to Gwen with a grin, and she smiled in return.

"You boys are lucky Blake has the strength to handle you two!" she laughed. "Be careful."

Gwen turned with Apollo to walk into the house as she soon heard the boys get back to playing. She paused at the door and glanced behind her, trying to steal a glance at Blake, but when she immediately locked eyes with him she blushed and turned to go inside. He had been watching her walk away.

Once inside, she put Apollo in his highchair and put out some cheerios for him to munch on on top of his tray. She wanted to get lunch started for everyone else really quick before sitting to feed the baby. She filled a pot with water and set it to boil. While waiting for it to heat up, she prepared the baby's food and took it over to him, placing the baby spoon in his hand. Sometimes he was good about eating with it, and sometimes he would get as much pudding on it as possible just to flick it onto the wall - every day was a new adventure. Gwen found that when she sat with him for a bit he seemed less likely to make as much of a mess, and he was hungry enough that he was more interested in eating. She was relieved.

She dumped a box of pasta into the boiling water and started going to work, pulling out sauce, a few light spices, and bowls and spoons. She alternated between sitting with Apollo and making lunch as she couldn't help but steal a few glances from outside of how the boys were doing with Blake. It was as if she never left, and it brought a smile to her face with how great they were getting along. 

Gwen made sure to keep about half a cup of pasta out of the batch and rinsed it cold to cool it down to give to Apollo. Once everything was almost ready, she stuck her head outside the door to the others. "Lunch is ready, babes!" she called out, as they began getting out of the pool. Blake helped the boys open the large beach towels and dry off before sitting at the patio table outside. She was thankful for that, as the last thing she wanted in her house were two little boys dripping water everywhere.

A few moments later, she was standing at the kitchen counter as two large and comforting hands wrapped around her waist. It startled her a little bit, but she looked up to see Blake there and she smiled at him. "Hi," she said, in a quiet voice. Their eyes locked together and Gwen couldn't take it anymore, she grinned a bit and had to look away. It was so intense and she felt herself falling for this cowboy. 

"I'm proud of you. Looks like you put some food in this kitchen finally," he joked. Gwen laughed a little and responded, "It's a whole different ballgame with those two in the house. They're garbage disposals, I swear!"

His hands stayed rested on Gwen's bare hips, and it was driving her crazy in the best way. Who knew just someone touching her so gently could make her feel like that. She let out a sigh, probably just because she had such an urge to do so much more in that moment. Blake could feel it too. The feeling was mutual. He gently moved his thumbs in light, delicate circles around her skin as if he was saying the same thing as she was thinking. If she couldn't do what she really wanted to do, though, the next best thing would just have to be to close the space between them. She turned around, staying in his arms, as she wrapped her arms around Blake's midsection and pulled him into a tight hug.

"What's this for, sweetheart?" he asked, as his hands reached a little further behind her lower back and he started to massage gently.

Her head was leaning up against his chest. She was barefoot against this giant cowboy and she always loved feeling that small against him. "For being you. For getting to know my kids. For caring. For not running away. For...." she paused, and took in a quick breath. "For putting me back together."

"You did that on your own," Blake nudged. He reached down to turn her head up so that she was looking at him in the eye again. "You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. And you're raising three amazing little boys who look up to you so much. I am in awe of you, Gwen Stefani."

Gwen couldn't help it but suddenly she felt herself tear up. Why did his words have such an effect on her? Why were they so sweet and caring and exactly what she needed? How did he guess her insecurities and know exactly how to respond to them? "Oh wow," she said, moving to flick a few tears from her eyes. "I have no idea why you tell me things like that, don't you know I get emotional over everything?" she asked, laughing a bit and trying to lighten the mood.

Blake grinned a bit at her as he swayed her slightly in his arms. "They're things I have a feeling you need to be told. Regardless of your adorable reaction."

Gwen let out a breath, squeezing onto him one last time before looking at the food she had prepared behind her. "I think we need to go feed some hungry boys outside now," she said, giving him one last hug before letting go.

"Absolutely. What can I do?" Blake asked, moving to her side.

"Can you grab Apollo and take him out to the boys? I'll put all of this on a tray and follow."

"Sounds great."

Blake walked over and scooped Apollo out of his highchair and made his way outside. Gwen took a moment in the kitchen by herself, fighting feelings back and forth about wanting to run out there and make out with this man but needing to be so careful about what she did in front of the kids at this point. She took a deep breath, loaded everything onto the tray, and proceeded to go outside. 

"Lunch is served!" she called out to Zuma and King as they cheered and seemed excited. Gwen set the tray down on the patio, handed Zuma, King, and Blake a bowl and took a small plastic container of plain pasta and walked over to where Blake had Apollo on his lap. Gwen sat right next to them and she held her arms out for Apollo to crawl into her lap, which he did. She sat him up on her leg and held the container of pasta in front of them so he could dig in.

Zuma and King were chatting up a storm and digging into their bowls. Blake looked over to Gwen and watched her with Apollo, before frowning and giving her a questioning look. "Did you forget your own food?" he asked.

Gwen shook her head a bit, looked to the two older boys who were distracted talking to one another, before looking to Blake. "I'm good. I had a protein shake while I made lunch instead."

Blake was about to open his mouth to say something, but stopped himself immediately. He knew one of Gwen's biggest insecurities was her appearance, and he knew it had a lot to do with her ex-husband. She always seemed so uptight about her diet, workout, and even make up routine that he often wondered how much stress she put herself under on that alone. He was going to have to make a mental note to work on that. He must have been staring though, or looking like he wanted to say something, which Gwen noticed.

"I can't just eat everything I want. It doesn't work like that," she whispered quietly, thankful the boys were still occupied. She shrugged a little, and she seemed a bit disappointed. Blake definitely didn't like seeing this side of her, but he knew this was something she struggled with that would take a lot of time to work through. He couldn't imagine the kinds of expectations she had grown to anticipate over the years. "I'm fine, seriously. Please don't worry about me."

"Okay," Blake finally agreed, reaching over to rub her shoulder a little and offering a small smile. Gwen craned her neck forward a bit and kissed the top of his hand once it made contact with her skin.

Apollo was going to town on the pasta Gwen had brought out for him, and once he was done he laid his head against Gwen's chest and fell asleep. The boys finished their lunch and ran over to a large grassy patch off to the side of the pool and started kicking a soccer ball around. Apollo soon fell asleep and she whispered over to Blake. "Baby's asleep. I'll go put him down and come back." With that, she stood up and headed back inside to put Apollo to bed.


	8. Chapter 8

They spent the rest of the day playing outside and enjoying the perfect California weather. Once the sun began setting, Gwen started gathering the various plates and cups together on the serving tray that had made their way outside throughout the course of the afternoon. Zuma and King started talking about wanting to go inside and play video games, and soon they were running up and off upstairs. Apollo slept the entire afternoon, probably still confused over the time change from coming back from England. "Boys, your brother is sleeping! Keep quiet..." Gwen warned right before they made it to the door.

"Ok mom!" King called back, not slowing down one bit.

Blake was sitting back in one of the patio chairs behind Gwen, watching the amazing woman in front of him. He waited until the kids were inside and headed up the stairs before he leaned forward a bit, placing one of his hands on her hip, and pulling her to sit on top of him in one swift motion.

"Ah!" Gwen exclaimed, not expecting the sudden turn of events. She giggled a little as she looked towards the door the kids had just run through and then to Blake, sliding her arms around his neck. She locked eyes with him and smiled. "Hi, cowboy."

"Hi," he grinned.

"I can't believe you put up with my kids acting crazy all day. Who are you? Where did you come from?" she laughed at herself, and shook her head in disbelief. 

His hands fully wrapped around her waist and rested on the small of her back. "Gwen, today was amazing. I had so much fun and thank you for letting me be a part of that. It's been so long since I've been somewhere that just feels....like a family. Sure, I visit home every so often but that place almost doesn't feel like home anymore. It's hard to explain."

It was really touching to hear him say those words, and she was still in disbelief. She had so much going on and here she found someone amazing that was embracing the parts of her that she felt made her difficult to love. Being a divorced lady with three kids was definitely a lot to potentially bring into a new relationship.

"Well, I'm sure King and Zuma would agree, but anytime you need a family...you've got us."

Without another word or hesitation, Blake pulled Gwen in closer to him and leaned forward, kissing her gently. Gwen's heart skipped a beat as her arms tightened around his neck more, fully embracing his kiss. The second their lips pulled away from one another, she almost felt as if someone had taken all the oxygen in the planet away from her. All she had in that moment was an instant obsession with wanting to do that again.

"Whoa," was all she could say.

"I'm sorry..." Blake began.

"No!" she said immediately. "I meant that in the best way possible. I mean like, whoa, that was so much better than I had ever imagined..."

"Oh, so you've been thinking about that recently, have you?" Blake joked, which made both of them start to laugh. 

"Blake Shelton...you're in trouble," Gwen warned, shaking her head. Her arms wrapped around his neck again as her lips hovered right at his ear. "You're asking for it getting involved with me," she whispered.

They sat there for a little longer in one another's arms, his hands wandering over Gwen's body a bit. The sun had set by the time a chill went down Gwen's spine, indicating she was getting cold from the small breeze that had picked up. 

"Come on," he nudged at her, running his hands down her shoulders a few times to help warm her up. "Let's go inside."

She literally hated the act of peeling herself off of him to stand up. She didn't want to go inside. She wanted to spend more time with him. Gwen went to grab the tray of dirty dishes but soon a hand went over hers to pull it away. "Come on now, I'll get this," he said, reaching out and taking the tray from her.

Such a gentleman. 

The two of them went inside and into the kitchen. Gwen glanced at the clock, realizing it was already 6:30. "Would you mind going and seeing if the boys are hungry?" Gwen asked Blake, to which he nodded and headed up the stairs.

A few minutes later, Blake, Zuma, and King were all coming downstairs together and into the kitchen. Gwen was hunched over a bit at the sink doing dishes and didn't hear them come in until Blake spoke up.

"So King and Zuma came to a decision," Blake began, causing Gwen to turn around and give an incredulous look. Her boys making decisions without her usually never turned out well. "And they agreed that we should all watch a movie together and that I need to make my famous tacos."

"Your famous tacos? Why don't I know anything about your famous tacos?" Gwen inquired with a grin.

"Mom, it's a guy thing," Kingston said, rolling his eyes as if Gwen should have just known that.

She started laughing, as did Blake, as she looked at her oldest in shock. "Well oohhh kay then!"

"Tacoooooos!" Zuma said.

"Well how could I possibly resist that? Plus, it looks like I'm triple teamed!" Gwen responded. "Boys, why don't you go start a movie and Blake and I will make dinner."

"No mom, that's not how this is going to go," King said, as both him and Zuma walked up and each took one of her hands. "You have to go sit on the couch and the three of us are going to make dinner for you." They led her out of the kitchen and into the living room, and over to the couch. Once they reached it, they gestured for her to sit down.

"Whaaaat?" she asked, laughing at how funny they were being. "What am I supposed to do in here all by myself while the three of you are in the kitchen and probably making a mess?" she asked, as she looked over to Blake before looking back to her boys.

"Relax!" King said, as he took Gwen's legs and picked them up, placing them on the couch and forcing her into laying down on her back. She was giggling the entire time. "Blake?"

"Don't worry, darling. Just relax," he patted her head a little bit as he was enjoying the comedy in this all too much. "We're going to cook for you because you made everyone lunch. I've got the boys. You don't have to do anything tonight - not even the dishes." And with that, he walked with the boys back into the kitchen to make tacos.

As Gwen laid on the couch, she couldn't help but fidget and squirm at every thump and clink coming from the kitchen. "Do I really have to just lay here?" she pouted, sitting up just enough to peak her eyes over the edge of the couch.

Zuma put down the spoon he was holding and sprinted over to her, putting his little eyes right in front of hers as he spoke. "Yes, mom, that's how this works." He patted her head and indicated that she needed to lay back down, and she did so but in a fit of giggles. Her boys were crazy. She loved her boys.

"What movie are we watching? I can start going through them and offer suggestions?" Gwen said, literally unable to lay on the couch still while the others were hard at work.

"We've got that covered!" King called over, as she could hear him open the fridge and pull some things out. He dropped a container on the floor and she cringed, so tempted to try and sneak a peak of what was probably all over her newly mopped kitchen floors. 

"Sour cream CPR commence!" Blake called out as Gwen heard another thump from the other side of the kitchen. Ok, she couldn't resist this no matter how much she wasn't supposed to look. Her eyes peered over the couch again and she saw Blake on his knees, cradling a plastic container of sour cream as the boys came around him, one on each side. He had two fingers pressing into the container, it looked as if it was dented. Oh my God. He was literally trying to revive the sour cream container. When that realization hit, she had to use both of her hands to cover her mouth and prevent her hysterical laughter.

"SAAAAAAVED!" Blake called a moment later, as he popped the dent out of the container and handed it to King upright. The boys all high fived and looked over to the couch, Gwen just barely ducking out of view in time to not get caught. "See? We've got everything covered, sweetheart," Blake called over, before standing up and getting back to work on grilling the vegetables. Gwen didn't respond, she couldn't respond, because if she moved her hands off of her mouth she had no idea when she would be able to stop laughing. 

Ten minutes later, two little boys came running over with plates and sat them down on the coffee table. King jumped up and grabbed the Cars DVD and put it in. "Please be careful eating in the living room," Gwen gently reminded as she fluffed the hair on their heads a bit before standing up. She turned and walked into the kitchen and towards Blake. She stopped about half a foot away from him and gently walked her fingers up his back and came around to his side. His arm hooked around her waist and immediately brought her in close to him.

"I'm impressed," Gwen said, looking around to the rest of the kitchen. "Not as messy as I thought. And those vegetables smell amazing."

"Well," Blake began carefully. "I'm sure anything would smell amazing after you've literally only had a protein drink all today." He glanced down at her and she looked away. He noticed this, sighed a bit, put down the serving spoon he was holding and turned towards her, now placing both arms around her. She still didn't look up. "Hey," he said, nudging her a bit. "Come on, now. I'm just worried about you. You give up everything to take care of everyone else and you need to be reminded to take care of yourself."

She didn't like this conversation, and Blake was regretting bringing it up. Then again, he didn't. "Gwen?" he asked.

"There are so many things you just don't know or understand," she said, shaking her head and reaching down to remove his hands off of her waist. He reluctantly let go, his shocked look as heavy and hurt as if someone had just told him his dog had died. 

"Well then...talk to me about it. Make me know. Make me understand," he said, his voice gentle and low. He reached out and took her hand in his, squeezing it a little. He could tell her mind was racing to different things. Her gaze turned and settled on her two boys, both of which were in little taco comas and completely hypnotized by the giant flatscreen TV in front of them. For now, they didn't even realize Blake and Gwen weren't with them. 

"We're going to go check on Apollo," Gwen called over to the boys, only met in response with a few quick nods of approval. Her eyes flashed to Blake for a second before she began walking upstairs with him, having not let go of his hand in hers. Her eyes peaked into the baby's room before going next door to hers. The baby was still sound asleep. Gwen dropped his hand from hers and crossed her arms, walking to the far other side of the room, facing away from him. Blake stood in the doorway, bedroom door closed behind him, not sure exactly what was going to happen next.

"I spent years like that," she broke the silence. "I spent years laboring to dress up as his perfect little fantasy doll. I spent years obsessing over myself. I couldn't even go down the street to take King to a friend's house without putting on a full face of make up because it disgusted him. I needed the red lips. I needed ripped abs - but not grossly too ripped, I needed to have a certain kind of nice body. I needed the tiny waist. I followed strict diets - God, such strict diets. Work out five days a week. If I didn't, I was throwing away my career. The look of pure disgust and horror he made if I so much as looked at a piece of bread..." she shook her head, taking in a breath and exhaling, "It's so burned in my memory to this day and it just comes to me every time. I did it because he was my husband and he loved me. It made him happy, and that's all I ever wanted to do."

Blake was taking all of this in while keeping silent, as it seemed she really needed to get this out of her to talk about it. It made him sick the amount of control and manipulation that was in her last relationship - and it broke his heart. To live like that is not to live at all.

"It's strangely really great for your career in our business when you can't function enough to get out of bed. When things get so bad, your stomach is in knots and you just sleep days away." She paused. She shook her head. "I don't want to go back to that. I can't go back to that, it might actually kill me the second time around." 

"None of that is love, sweetheart," Blake finally spoke gently, slowly closing the gap between them. He was a little surprised she was sharing these super personal insecurities with him, and it really felt like she had never told anyone this before with the way she seemed to try to put her words together. He was so touched she trusted him this month. There was a long silence between them.

"It was just a really hard struggle today with that, ok?" she said quietly. "I don't know why. But it's part of my crazy that still comes around."

That was it. He was probably running for the hills soon.

Instead, two hesitant but strong arms wrapped around her from the back, completely engulfing her in a giant hug. The two of them stood like that for several minutes before Blake broke the silence. "I love it when you don't wear makeup. When you don't have makeup on, I get to know that hardly anyone else gets to see that side of you and it's all mine to take in. You look gorgeous in all of those tight, sparkly dresses you wear on the show. But when you're at home with your hair on top of your head, a little tank top and pair of sweatpants...that's what really turns me on." He paused to let that sink in. "I'd rather watch you wolf down three of my tacos having the time of your life than eat something with no taste and torture yourself while you watch everyone else enjoy themselves. I'd rather your stomach stick out a little from tacos because you are healthy and full rather than it sinking in because you feel like you need to maintain that image."

His words were melting her heart. They were so tender, it hurt to hear them. She was embarrassed. She always felt like that when she said something she thought was stupid or too personal but then again, when it was with Blake, he went and had to go say things like that. It was taking all of her strength to not just break down into tears over this man. She was so emotionally overwhelmed trying to comprehend all of this. He was doing the impossible - he was very slowly, but surely, helping her try to erase what she was nothing short of brainwashed into believing. 

"Tacos?" she asked quietly, turning to her side a bit and glancing up at him. That word alone made him grin from ear to ear. "Mine are famous!" he proudly declared. Gwen pushed up on her toes and pulled him down a bit closer to her, planting a long, slow kiss on his lips. When their lips finally broke apart, their eyes locked. "Thank you for trusting me with this. I've never had such a strong connection with someone like I do with you," Blake said.

"You have no idea how much good you do me," Gwen responded. "Stay with me tonight when the boys go to bed. I don't want you to leave." Blake nodded and smiled, and the two of them made their way out of Gwen's bedroom. 

Right as Gwen walked by Apollo's room, he popped up from his bed and starting making noises at the sight of his momma. "Baby's awake!" she said excitedly, detouring into his room with Blake coming in right behind her. Blake walked up to her side and Apollo grinned up when he first saw him there. He reached his hands out in a grasping motion towards Blake, indicating that he wanted to be picked up.

Gwen laughed a little and looked over to him. "Looks like I've been replaced," she said, as Blake happily and proudly scooped Apollo up in his arms with the biggest grin on his face. It was too adorable for her to stand.

They made their way back downstairs where the boys were still hypnotized by the television. Blake sat on the corner of the couch with a sleepy Apollo up against his chest. Gwen detoured into the kitchen, fixed them a large shared plate with tacos, and came back to the couch. Blake held his other arm out and she climbed on the couch and up against him. His hand wrapped around her again and she took a bite. God, he really did know his way around a kitchen - the food he makes is just amazing.

"I see why they're so famous," she joked, smiling over at him. "Thank God you knew exactly how to perform sour cream CPR." 

"One of my many hidden talents," he grinned, laughing a bit.

With both of his arms occupied, Gwen reached over and offered him a bite, which he gladly took. A little bit of sour cream fell on his chin, and she grinned mischievously as she swiped it away and licked it off her finger with a smirk.

Blake's expression turned suggestive and a bit surprised, which made Gwen giggle. She took another bite before offering him one, and kept alternating between the two of them as he held both her and Apollo, who seemed to be dazing back to sleep. 

How did she get so lucky?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the love and support! Your love and comments mean so much to me <3 
> 
> Let me know if you have any ideas/feedback and if you're liking the story :)


End file.
